Whenever I encounter a situation that makes me too anxious, excited, nervous, angry, or sad – I play it on a loop in my head and begin to spiral. The repetitive thoughts drain and waste my mind’s and body’s energy. Even if I want to break the loop – sometimes I find myself literally stuck in the never-ending thought. So what can one do?
It’s the natural nature of the mind – to run, flutter, jump, frolic, bounce, skip, and spiral. That is our primal brain or survival brain and it is led by our senses. It is always in reaction mode and thus difficult to capture and hold.
We feel calm when our mind is in our thinking brain’s control – The Prefrontal Cortex. Here the thoughts are filtered, assessed and then appropriate action is taken. It controls all our executive functions like planning, organizing, and implementing ideas and plans.
So how do we get from the ‘monkey’ mind to the ‘rational thinking’ calm mind – here are 5 steps how:
1. Breathe & Anchor
Deep breaths help to relax our nervous system and shift the body from survival mode/reactive mode or shut down mode to a calm relaxed space where our rational brain is switched on.
One great way to do that :
Breathe in the flowers & blow out the birthday candles
Imagine you are in a beautiful garden filled with fragrant flowers. Take a deep breath and smell these aromatic flowers.
Now imagine your birthday cake in front of you and blow out the candles. Take a deep breath so all the candles are blown out!
To know many more such ways, please check my e-book – CPR: The Formula To Thrive In Life
Anchoring here means to ‘be’ in the present moment. Start taking deep breaths and empty your minds of the thoughts. Hear the noise outside the window or see how the light is falling around you. To know more techniques to be in the present moment read: Power of the Present
2. Listen & Empathise
Here listening means being present for your feelings and thoughts and actually concentrating and being there for your ‘unheard’ thoughts. Just like we like to be seen by others, we want to be seen and valued by ourselves too.
Once you are in the present moment, take each thought and delve deeper into why is it coming up again and again. Maybe the reruns are happening in your brain because the mind feels it has something important to say. So hear it.
Empathy means to feel with, so empathize with your thoughts and feelings and try to understand where they are coming from. Just like we would do for a dear friend- hear yourself out.
Here I do not mean to go into a well of self-pity but just indulge enough to truly listen. Sometimes it helps to put a time to – like today from 8 to 8.20 – I will think and dwell on this situation and then totally STOP!
3. Assess & Discriminate
Once we have delved into a thought and identified the desire/need behind it the next step is discernment. Here are a few questions to filter thoughts:
- Is this thought helping me move toward the life I want?
- Or is it making me go away from what I want my life to be like?
- Is it harming me or anyone else?
- Will it give me peace of mind?
- Will this make me a better person in my eyes?
- What can I learn from this and move on?
These are only a few basic questions but the idea is that what gives you a peaceful mind – that path is worth taking. So we need to keep checking ourselves on where we want to go and where are our thoughts taking us right now!
To know more about self-reflection please read: Self Awareness: A Path to Happiness
4. Distract or Revert
So we have heard and understood the thought – assessed if it is worth exploring – which leads us to needing to decide if it’s worth keeping or moving away from.
As already established, our mind is skipping from one thing to the next – so here when we want to break the cycle of negative thoughts – let’s use this to our advantage. Skip to your work in the present, a positive idea in your life, a memory that makes you feel happy, or another positive or fruitful desire.
In the language of the Bhagavad Gita – shift to a higher desire – like presently your need to eat sweets has got you stuck in a loop and you’re diabetic – then shift to a desire to putting effort into your current work and giving the best shot. Change the narrative in your head.
Sometimes we are too distracted and the task is to revert to the task at hand. Use that desire to fulfill what you began and revert to the main task. Take the harder choice, ask the hard questions and be honest with yourself.
5. Focus
Finally, once you have chosen a new task/desire/want/idea/thought to focus on – STAY FOCUSED
When a thought comes to distract you – use the above processes to revert to the task at hand.
As established it is the nature of our mind to jump around but it’s the task of our intellectual brain to keep it in check. And this is like a muscle – the more you use it – the stronger it gets.
Our mind begins to calm down once the running stops and we stay focused on the present. Deep breaths help to regulate the body, engaged mind helps to calm the monkey mind and engage the thinking mind and get into a state of FLOW. And that is the GOAL. To keep our mind focused, engaged, empty from distracting thoughts- so it is in a meditative state – truly calm, tranquil, and peaceful.